


and i crave you always (but i'll give you your space)

by wonderstruckk



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bechloe Week 2020, F/F, Wedding, past bechloe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25682386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderstruckk/pseuds/wonderstruckk
Summary: Chloe never imagined going to Beca's wedding, but here she is.(For Bechloe Week 2020)
Relationships: Beca Mitchell/Original Character(s), Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 23
Kudos: 75





	and i crave you always (but i'll give you your space)

**Author's Note:**

> i am terrible at participating in themed weeks, but i figured i would throw my hat in the ring with a prompt for today's wedding/cheating theme. 
> 
> angsty as hell + unbeta'd so take from that what you wish.
> 
> title from "space" by madi sipes & the painted blue

Chloe's not really sure what she did to deserve this sort of purgatory, but here she is, sitting at a table in the far back of the lowlit reception hall. She wants nothing more than to curl up in a ball back in her hotel room and finish off the bottle of wine that she’s brought along from her apartment in New York, but she knows better than to leave.

Her eyes flit to the bride and groom, sharing a dance together on the reception hall’s floor, but it hurts too much for her to focus for too long. The easy-going smile on Beca’s face makes her heart heavy in remembrance of the times when  _ she  _ was the cause of that.

_ They’re standing in the kitchen back in Brooklyn, Beca humming absently under her breath as she waits for her coffee to brew. She’s wearing Chloe’s green Barden hoodie, the one that’s already big on Chloe, but looks exceptionally large when Beca wears it. The smallest hints of a smile is peaking out from the corners of her mouth, and Chloe can’t help but stare at her. _

_ This is new for them, sticking a label on things. After Beca’s confession following Chloe’s kiss with Chicago on the USO Tour, they’d decided to finally own up to their feelings for each other and start dating.  _

_ It had been the best four months of her life, the two of them, contentedly living in their shoebox apartment in Brooklyn. Since learning about her fortune, Amy had moved out of the apartment, leaving just her and Beca.  _

_ “What?” Beca asks her with a tired and somewhat embarrassed laugh, the nervous grin on her face widening, making Chloe’s heart flutter. _

_ “Nothing,” Chloe assures her softly, gently draping her arms around Beca’s waist, nestling her head in the crook of the small brunette’s neck. “You’re just cute, that’s all.” _

_ “Not cute, badass,” Beca huffs gruffly before turning around to press a soft kiss to Chloe’s lips. _

_ “There’s a spider above your head, miss badass,” Chloe says with a smirk, watching with amusement as Beca jumps out of her embrace, only relaxing when she realizes that Chloe’s kidding. _

_ “You’re an ass,” she mutters, lightly smacking Chloe on the upper thigh. _

_ “Love you, Bec,” Chloe pouts, just earning her an eye roll. _

_ “Love you, too,” Beca drags out petulantly, like a reluctant five-year-old, but the smile that quickly spreads across her face lets Chloe know that she’s just playing with her. _

“Mr. and Mrs. Nico Greyson,” the DJ announces, and Chloe’s shaken from her thoughts by the sound of applause. She half-heartedly joins in, forcing a nervous smile onto her face as she watches Nico take Beca’s hand, gracefully guiding her off the dancefloor. 

The music resumes again, and Chloe watches as other people dance in the crowd. She spots Jesse and his wife, Sophie, slow-dancing together, and then Amy inappropriately grinding against one of Beca’s friends from high school. She desperately wants to be out there with them, to feel as happy as they are, but she just can’t find it in her heart.

When she got the invitation in the mail, she’d cried for a whole week. She’d wanted to say no. The other Bellas had messaged her, asking if she would go, but she still had some reservations.

But then Beca had texted her.

**_Beca:_ ** _ (11:34 pm) I hope it’s cool that I sent you a wedding invite, I just didn’t feel right not sending you one.  _

**_Beca:_ ** _ (11:41 pm) You were my best friend for seven years before things got complicated. It would really mean a lot for you to be there.  _

**_Beca:_ ** _ (11:43 pm) That sounded pushy- sorry! You don’t have to come, I understand if you’re not ready. But I really do want for you to be there if you can. _

_ (She let out a choked sob reading all of the texts; the most she’d heard from Beca outside of the Bellas group chat in over two years.) _

_ (She definitely didn’t want to go. Not the slightest. The thought of watching Beca marry someone else, being happy with someone else, someone that wasn’t  _ **_her_ ** _ made her stomach clench.) _

_ (But after two days had passed, she found it in her heart to finally type back a response.) _

**_Chloe:_ ** _ (6:21 am) I’d love to be there. _

“Listen up, bitches!” she hears a drunk Emily howl over the crowd, clattering a fork against her half-full champagne glass.

She watches as Beca covers her mouth as she laughs at Emily, shaking her head as though she knows this is about to be the most embarrassing and amusing moment of her life. Everyone else is already laughing, Emily herself included. 

“Today, my best friend got married! Isn’t that crazy?” Emily says with a cheer, a handful of people joining her (mostly former Bellas and Jesse). “I just wanted to wish all the best to Beca and Nico. I owe Beca the world for paving the way for me, not just as a Bella, but also as a Grammy award winner. I owe my whole career to her, and also my undying loyalty. You are like the tiny big sister I never got, and the best advice giver, even though you hate to admit it because you think it makes you a sap. And the most talented person I know.”

Emily pauses for a moment to take another drink before turning towards Nico.

“And Nico. Well, I just have to say, you are the  _ luckiest  _ bastard to be marrying Beca Freaking Mitchell.”

She can hear Beca’s feathery alto laugh intermingled with Nico’s deeper one in the crowd. 

“Seriously, I have never seen two people who love and respect each other as much as these two do. And I wish them the very best in their new life together. To Mr. and Mrs. Greyson!”

Chloe feels the lump form in her throat as she watches Beca, in her beautiful white wedding dress, pulls Emily in for a hug, blotting at her eyes after they break apart, reminded of a time back before things got complicated, that that was her. 

_ “I just don’t understand why he has to be such a dick about it, Jesus!” Beca grunts with frustration, throwing her hands up in the air. _

_ Chloe offers her a sympathetic smile. _

_ “I think your dad just wants the best for you, Bec. I know you don’t want to hear this, but he does love you. And he’s trying to show you that by giving you advice,” she assures the brunette gently.  _

_ “Oh please, I know you try and see the best in everyone, but he has always tried to micromanage me into doing what he wants and fitting into his mold,” Beca exclaims.  _

_ “He just wants to see you succeed, Beca.” _

_ Beca lets out a huff of frustration before settling onto the edge of Chloe’s bed with a defeated sigh.  _

_ “I guess you’re kind of right, dude,” she admits reluctantly. “I just get so frustrated, you know? Like it’s my life, I should be the one to figure it out, not him. And I get that he’s just trying to make up for all those years, but seriously?” _

_ “I hear ya,” Chloe hums in agreement. “How about this?” _

_ Beca perks her head up, eyeing her with curiosity. _

_ “We go to 7/11, pick up some snacks and a six-pack, and watch a movie?” Chloe suggests with an easygoing smile that makes Beca relax. _

_ “You’re the best, you know that? Right?”  _

_ Chloe just laughs. _

_ “Well, I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I wasn’t, now would I?” she replies teasingly. _

_ “Not just any friend,” Beca warns her, and it’s Chloe’s turn to be confused. “My best friend.” _

Chloe feels Cynthia Rose’s hand give her a sympathetic pat on the back, before coming to stop beside her.

“How you holding up, Chloe?” she asks her gently.

Chloe offers her what she’s  _ sure _ looks like a sad smile, before shrugging lazily.

“How do you think?” she hiccups, holding her breath and willing herself not to cry. “Sorry, I just-”

“No need to explain,” Cynthia Rose reassures her. “It means a lot to Beca that you’re here. You know, she spent the first two months of her relationship with Nico worrying about how you were taking it. She kept asking all of us how you were doing because she was afraid of hurting your feelings.”

Chloe feels her heart leap at the notion. Beca was always so anxious, and trying to put up a front that she didn’t care, when in actuality she cared a whole lot.

“I wish I could be happy for her,” Chloe says defeatedly. “I just, I’m not there yet.” 

“Sometimes these things take time,” Cynthia Rose reassures her. “You and Beca were a big part of each other’s lives for a decade. No one would blame you for not being over it yet, least of all Beca.”

Chloe lets out a tired sigh before nodding in agreement.

“I think I’m gonna just step out and get some air for a bit,” she admits to her friend. 

Cynthia Rose nods.

“I’ll be over with Jessica and Ashley if you want to join us later. I think we gonna try and hit up some bars tonight if you wanna join.”

“I just might take you up on that,” Chloe replies before turning back towards the door and slipping out into the hallway of the fancy hotel that they’re in.

Her heart pangs at the memory of the first time that she’d been in Los Angeles. 

_ “Wow, Bec,” she exclaims in awe, staring down at the view below them. “This is-” _

_ “Incredible, right?” Beca cuts her off with an amazed laugh. “I can’t believe that it only took me a decade longer than I thought to end up here.” _

_ “The important thing is that you made it,” Chloe assures her. _

_ Beca nods in agreement before reaching down to take her hand, comfortably intertwining their fingers.  _

_ “If you would’ve told me then I would be right here, right now, I wouldn’t have believed it,” Beca continues with a thoughtful sigh. “I never really thought I’d be this happy.” _

_ “Bec,” she begins, tearing up a bit at the notion. _

_ “You make me so so happy, Chloe. And I’m so glad that we finally got our heads out of our asses after seven years,” Beca laughs. “I can’t wait to grow old in this beautiful house with you.” _

_ And when she says that, Chloe truly does believe it.  _

_ Growing up, she’d always been told by her parents to embrace their Southern values. She’d been expected from the start to marry someone that would take good care of her and make her happy. And no one cared for her as much as Beca, who would give her the entire universe if she could. _

_ Beca, who she’s only been dating for eight months, but loved for what feels like a lifetime. Beca, who she can see herself following around the world on tour. Beca, who she can envision herself starting a family with, growing old with.  _

_ “I’m looking forward to it,” Chloe hums in agreement, pressing a tender kiss to Beca’s cheek before Beca rests her head on her shoulder, and they stand there looking out at the beautiful view beneath them. _

Things between them had been so perfect then, before things had gotten complicated. Before Beca had become too obsessed with her work. Before they went days without seeing each other, without even texting each other. 

_ “Hey, baby,” she hears Beca whisper in her ear.  _

_ Her eyes flutter open tiredly as they meet with navy blue ones. She can’t help but smile at Beca, even though she is mad at her.  _

_ “How was your show tonight?” Chloe asks begrudgingly with a yawn, sitting up in bed and flicking on the light on her nightstand. _

_ Beca sits down along the edge of the bed on Chloe’s side. _

_ “Amazing. Electric. But not the same as being with you,” she admits with a frown. “I’m really sorry that we fought earlier, Chloe. You’re totally right. We don’t spend enough time together. I really need to work harder on trying to balance us and work.” _

_ “It’s okay, Bec,” she reassures her, suddenly feeling guilty for making Beca feel like this was all on her. “I haven’t been as supportive as I could’ve been. You’re at the height of your career right now.” _

_ Beca shakes her head tiredly. _

_ “None of that matters,” she says, pulling Chloe in for a kiss, before mumbling against her lips, “All that matters is you.” _

She fumbles for the lighter and cigarettes in her purse. She knows that smoking is bad; it’s a habit that she’d kicked back in her sophomore year at Barden, when Aubrey had insisted she stop to keep her vocal chords in “tip-top shape”. But she can’t seem to find a reason not to; it’s not like she sings much anymore.

Chloe manages to light it, taking a long drag before leaning against the corner of the hotel, taking in the scene before her in the dim of the streetlights.

She never thought she’d be back in Los Angeles on these terms. She’d always assumed that after moving out of their house together temporarily, they would manage to smooth things out and get back together. 

Two years later, and here she was, back for the first time.

_ “I don’t think you understand, Chlo,” Beca says tearfully, eyes red and puffy. Chloe, herself, is crying too, furiously wiping tears away from her cheeks. “None of that matters to me, all that matters to me is you. I just want to see you happy again.” _

_ Chloe sniffles and nods. _

_ “I can’t be the thing that’s holding you back, Beca,” she replies.  _

_ “Chloe-” _

_ “This isn’t goodbye. It’s just us taking some space apart for the first time since we met. Some time to figure some things out and figure out to be happy with ourselves again. Because let's face it, neither of us is very happy.” _

_ Chloe takes a deep breath in an attempt to collect herself as she takes the suitcase off her side of the bed.  _

_ “I’m staying at Aubrey’s for awhile,” she explains quietly. _

_ “I don’t want you to leave, Chloe,” Beca begs her, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. “Please, stay. You are what makes me happy. Stay.” _

_ “Beca,” she says with a defeated sigh, trying her hardest to stay calm and not cry again. “It’s not permanent. It’s just for a little while.” _

_ “I don’t think I can forgive you for walking out that door, Chloe,” Beca sniffles. _

_ “I don’t think I can love you like I used to if I don’t.” _

_ The words sting them both the minute she says them, and she tightens her grip on her suitcase as she walks out the door, climbing into her car, and driving off down the road, not once looking back at their beautiful house in the hills, the one that they were supposed to grow old in together. _

“Cynthia Rose said I’d find you out here.”

The sound of Beca’s voice makes her jump a little as she quickly puts out her cigarette and turns around guiltily to face her for the first time in two years.

“Just getting some air,” she lies, offering Beca a nervous smile. “You look beautiful, Bec.”

Beca gives her a sad smile, hands coming to rest at the small swell of her pregnant belly. 

“I’m really happy that you made it, Chloe,” she admits earnestly. “It means the world.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, Bec,” Chloe replies softly. 

“It’s funny, you know,” Beca says with a wistful sigh, leaning against the hotel beside her, the familiar scent of her shampoo and perfume lingering in Chloe’s nose. “In another lifetime, this could’ve been us. I would’ve sworn up and down that this would be you and me, getting married, starting a family, growing old together. I never thought that there would be a time that I would stop loving you, Chloe Beale.”

“I can’t believe you’re pregnant Bec,” Chloe admits tearily.

“Me either,” Beca laughs with a sniffle. “But I’m oddly excited about it. It’s weird, growing a whole human and all, but at the same time, I can’t wait to meet him or her.”

Chloe doesn’t realize that she’s crying until she tastes salt against the corner of her lips. 

“I never stopped loving you, Chloe, I don’t think,” Beca whispers tearily. “I just learned to fall out of love with you. And then there was Nico. And I’m happy, I’m so so happy. But at the same time, I’m so sad that it wasn’t you.”

_ She’s driving down the highway in Miami, when it crackles to life over the radio.  _

_ “And here’s Beca Mitchell’s latest single,” her ears perk up at the sound of Beca’s name. “The singer recently announced her engagement to music producer Nico Greyson, but claims that this song was her closure to letting go of an old flame.  _

_ ‘I wrote this a month after breaking things off with someone that I loved for a very long time, and I wanted to share this with you all,’ she shared on Twitter last week when announcing the release of the new single. _

_ “Here’s “Space”.” _

**_I'll still love you when I'm sad_ **

**_I'll still love you when I'm angry_ **

**_When it's 2:00 AM and I'm lonely_ **

**_Wish you were playing in my hair_ **

_ Her heart shudders at the haunting sound of Beca’s voice coming through her speakers. It’s been so long since she’d heard Beca sing, that the sound of her voice brings tears to the corners of her eyes. _

**_And I crave you always_ **

**_But I give you your space_ **

_ Her heart shatters at the words, at how they reignite the pain lingering inside of her after all these years, at how Beca is engaged to be married to someone else. She sniffles, recalling a time when they’d promised that they were going to grow old together.  _

“You look so happy, Bec,” Chloe says, reaching forward to swipe the tears from Beca’s eyes with her thumbs. “This is what I was telling you about that night. This is what it was about all along.”

“And what about you?” Beca sniffles, letting out an embarrassed laugh. “Are you happy, Chloe?”

“I’m getting there,” Chloe assures her. “I still have a long ways to go, but I’m getting there, and that’s what matters.”

“Good, because you deserve it the most. Out of anyone that I know,” Beca insists, before nervously adding. “We were happy, weren’t we? In the beginning.”

Chloe lets out a wistful sigh before nodding.

“The happiest.”

They stand there in silence, two former lovers mourning the promise of what could’ve been. She’s not sure how long, but they just stand there, staring out at nothing, shoulders pressed against each other. 

“Beca, there you are!” a man’s voice exclaims with relief. “We thought you got locked in the bathroom or something.”

Beca turns around, her shoulder bumping Chloe’s as she turns to face her husband.

“Nope, I’m all good,” she admits before gesturing for him to join them. “Nico, I want for you to meet Chloe Beale. Chloe, this is Nico.”

Chloe looks at him,  _ really  _ looks at him for the first time since the wedding, hesitating a moment to study him. He’s taller than Beca by a good few inches, and lean, covered in tattoos with slicked back, dark hair. He’s got gentle brown eyes, and wrinkle lines on the corners of his eyes. 

He offers her the kindest smile, and her heart flutters a bit as she smiles back. And for the first time since the start of the wedding, she gets it.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Chloe,” he says in a meltingly soft tenor. “We’re very happy that you could make it to our wedding; it means a lot.”

Chloe nods as she watches him blindly grasp for Beca’s fingers, intertwining them together comfortably. She can’t help but smile at the content smile that Beca gives in turn as she pressed her head against Nico’s arm. 

“It’s nice to finally meet the guy that makes Beca so happy,” Chloe musters eagerly with a smile. “Congratulations to both of you.”

“You’re leaving?” Beca asks her curiously.

Chloe nods, giving them a tired smile.    


“I have an early flight back to Miami tomorrow, so I should probably head out and get some sleep,” Chloe explains gently. “Thank you for inviting me to your wedding. It was very beautiful."

Beca nods, offering her a gracious smile, though there is still a longingness to her gaze.

“We’re glad you came,” Nico assures her warmly. “Perhaps we’ll see you again, sometime?”

Chloe pauses for a moment, surprising herself as she nods.

“Yeah, maybe.”

She eases into a hug with Beca, still shocked by the feeling of Beca’s baby bump pressing against her stomach. 

“Take care of yourself, Chloe,” Beca whispers in her ear before they pull apart. “And stay in touch.”

She nods, watching as Nico offers her a smile before taking Beca’s hand again. She watches them, husband and wife, striding off towards their wedding reception.

And though her heart pangs for the idea of what could’ve been, for the loss of the one person that she’d loved for so long, Chloe finds herself leaving the wedding feeling oddly light, assured by the knowledge that Beca is  _ loved,  _ and Beca is  _ happy _ .


End file.
